Fell off the Wagon of Relaxation

When I started my 40 Day Relaxation Practice I was fairly certain that I would be able to make it. And I did. But what I didn't expect was to keep on doing it for 8 more days. Then, since I had kept up my practice, I was a bit arrogant thinking to myself, "This is so easy. I can keep on and on." No. I can't. I fell off the wagon on Friday. It's always Friday that messes me up. The time that I like to relax happens to be exactly when I teach Yin (which is relaxing for me but not the same as receiving a relaxation practice). So, I missed Friday, then Saturday, then Sunday. As we say in Minnesota, Oof-da! I know I'll get back on the relaxation wagon, but it's been interesting to observe how easy it is to let a good habit slide. 

40 Days of Relaxation - And More

So my final day of relaxation was on Wednesday but on Thursday I found that I really craved my relaxation time. I had to take a break in the afternoon to practice Yoga Nidra. Same thing Friday. Today (Saturday) I don't really feel the need for formal relaxation since most of my day has been spent relaxing with my book anyway. However, it is getting to be the time of day that I usually want to take my break so I'm thinking of heading to my calm room as soon as I finish this post.

What I tend to discover when ever I do a 40 day practice (I've done 3 or 4 now) is that the habit that is formed through the discipline of doing something every day whether you want to do it or not, is one of the greatest benefits. I suppose this is the point of the 40 day commitment.

Unfortunately, it has been hard for me to keep up with my inner core practice since I was using the time to relax instead. Without maintaining my core stability, I have been having some difficulty with my SI joints slipping in and out of alignment. I think I need to find a better balance between relaxing and doing strengthening practices.

One of my students said, "I'm a Libra and I'm always happiest when I find balance." I like that lesson. I'm really happy that I did the relaxation practice and I want to continue to incorporate more relaxation and meditation into my life but I need to remember to maintain my balance between strength and yielding.

40 Days of Relaxation - Day 40

Wednesday, March 9th, 2011 - Day 40

Well, I made it! 40 days of relaxation. I spoke with my sister yesterday and she wondered if I felt any different or if Dave noticed any difference in me. It's hard to tell. Dave thinks the added stress of blogging about the relaxation might have offset any benefits. He's right, it was stressful to be so accountable. But accountability was also the benefit. It kept me honest. Each day brought new challenges and with relaxation I was able to examine my resistance to giving myself this gift. Most days I enjoyed taking a break for relaxation. But I noticed that on my super busy days and on my nothing-to-do days I had more resistance to taking the time to do my practice.

A funny thing happened on the final day of my self-imposed challenge. I worked til about 4:45 pm and my knitting group was coming over at 7 pm and I had committed to making dinner too so I had to do a short relaxation. I tried a new Yoga Nidra mp3: Maureen Lewiston - Yoga Nidra. It was well led and lasted about 20-23 minutes which was the amount of time I thought I could spare. Interestingly, I found myself feeling a bit robbed. I wanted more relaxation. I hadn't really felt this before but I took it is a good sign. My body and mind needed to relax more and I was getting the message. So after my guided practice I continued to lay in my calm room for another 15 minutes or so, just settling in and being quiet. My timing worked out fine. I was able to make dinner, eat dinner and get ready for my knitting group all by 7 pm.

I'm curious to see if I will continue my practice. I think I will but I think it will change a bit. I probably won't practice everyday but I will remember that on my busy days I really do need to take some time out for relaxation.

Thank you to everyone who has followed along with me. Your support and comments are much appreciated. If anyone has a relaxation story to share I'd be happy to put it up as a guest post. Write to me at sara (at) dorestorativeyoga (dot) com.

40 Days of Relaxation - Day 39

Tuesday, March 8, 2011 - Day 39

I taught my two regular yoga classes today and then went to the chiropractor. I haven't been adjusted for about 5 weeks. I had thought about making an in-between appointment because my SI joints kept slipping out of alignment which causes quite a bit of back pain. But then they would go back in and I'd think, Oh, I'm fine. Well, I probably shouldn't have put it off because I had so many things that needed adjustment - SI's, multiple ribs, neck, upper back, plus multiple fascial restrictions - that I am wiped out now.

But, since I was so tuckered out after my adjustments, I felt no guilt at "wasting away" the rest of my day doing relaxation. I tried a new Yoga Nidra practice by Amy Weintraub (thank you for the recommendation, Karen) called Life Force Yoga Nidra. I think I liked it. I say "think" because I can't remember much about it. I do recall hearing myself breathing and hearing her talking at the same time. Obviously I was relaxed.

I listened to all three tracks, Long Yoga Nidra, Short Yoga Nidra and Relax Into Sleep. I didn't really care for the Relax Into Sleep track. She started chanting her instructions as if she was Om-ing them and it didn't work for me. Plus she did quite a bit of whispering the word "relax" in a semi forceful manner which was a bit weird. But I'll give it another try. Maybe it will grow on me. At any rate, the CD was a super good deal since I downloaded it from Amazon for just 99 cents per track. So I do not feel bad about preferring two out of three tracks instead of three out of three.

40 Days of Relaxation - Day 38

Monday, March 7, 2011 - Day 38

Well, I have come full circle on this Relaxation for Tooth Pain journey. I had my follow up dental appointment today. I am not having sensitivity like I was a month ago. I can breathe without the air hurting my teeth, which is pretty nice. But, my dentist thinks I need a mouth guard. A $900 mouth guard. Ugh! She sees signs of wear on my teeth - probably from clenching or grinding - and I have a small chip in the enamel of my left, lower, rear molar which is part of a possible fracture in the tooth. She does not recommend a cheaper Walgreen's version of a mouth guard because wearing such a guard can do funny things to your bite and to your jaw muscles since it is not fitted for your mouth. This makes sense to me. But I still do not want to get the super expensive mouth guard.

On an up note, my hygienist thinks I have excellent oral hygiene. And I don't have any cavities. So, I am going to wait on the mouth guard. I am going to keep up with my awareness building and stress reduction regime in hopes that I can solve this problem myself. On a down note, my dentist says she has never seen anyone be able to break the habit of night time grinding because we don't even know we are doing it. But I am hoping with Yoga Nidra I can be more and more aware while sleeping and be the exception to the rule.

For today's relaxation I listened to James Jewell's entire CD, first the long version of Yoga Nidra and then I followed it up with the short version. I needed the extra long relaxation after going to the dentist. It's hard to hold your mouth open for an hour.

40 Days of Relaxation - Day 37

Sunday, March 6, 2011 - Day 37

I had such a do-nothing-stressful kind of day that I put off my relaxation til bedtime. Here's my day: read the paper and drink my tea, eat breakfast, do a bit of clean up after our wine ed group meeting last night, loll around, walk the dog, eat lunch, loll around some more, go to my friend's house for our randomly annual clothing exchange, go directly to Good Will afterward to drop off the clothes that no one wanted to reuse/repurpose (finally! I have been trying to get someone to take a few of my items for about 5 years now - I decided it was time to let it go), come home and read my book for about 3 hours and lastly, do my relaxation right before bed.

I listened to Dr. Louise Montello's Autogenic Training again and danged if I didn't have the best night of sleep I've had in a while. I made it through most of the practice with awareness but dropped off right at the end (of course it 11 PM by that time - past my bedtime). But I was able to put away my headphones without getting too tangled in the cords and I slept great. Thanks Dr. Louise.

40 Days of Relaxation - Day 36

Saturday, March 5, 2011 - Day 36

Today Dave and I visited my mom for breakfast, took a relaxing walk afterward and generally visited away the morning. When we got home we had to get to cleaning the house because it was our wine education group get-together night at our house. We had quite a bit to do with cleaning, setting up the space (getting enough chairs to fit in a fairly tiny room) and getting food ready. Plus we had to eat, shower and get a bit of rest and relaxation in too.

Thankfully I had a long relaxation time yesterday because I only had about 20 minutes today. I listened to the short Yoga Nidra track on Yoga Nidra II by Robin Carnes. I was determined to stay fully alert and aware. I thought I was doing a pretty good job but then when she got to the breathing and counting part I guess I lost my alertness because I suddenly woke up to silence. The practice was over.

It's a funny thing but when I first started practicing Yoga Nidra I never missed anything. I did not fall asleep or drift in and out of conscienceness. I did feel rested afterward but I had not slept. But now (I could be making excuses for myself here) I find myself in that in-between conscienceness state quite often and I wonder, Isn't that good? Isn't that the state we are going for with Yoga Nidra? I kind of love that feeling of being aware enough to hear the Yoga Nidra instructions but at the same time my brain is so completely relaxed that it's almost as if my brain and body don't exist. It's super cool.

40 Days of Relaxation - Day 35

Friday, March 4, 2011 - Day 35
Wow, I can't believe I am on day 35. My dental office called today to remind me that I have an appointment on Monday. Which reminds me that I started this 40 day practice because of tooth pain.

I am happy to report that I am feeling pretty good in the teeth. I can eat things straight out of the fridge without cringing. I can can even sip water straight from the tap if I am careful (Duluth water comes from Lake Superior which is frozen right now so our tap water is pretty dang cold). I can drink hot things no problem at all and I can chew hard or chewy things without pain too.

Of course my 40 day practice is not scientific since I am both relaxing and using a special paste that I have to put on my teeth and let it sit for a while. So I can't unequivocally give credit to relaxation for the decrease in tooth pain. But I do think the practice has helped me reduce feelings of stress, which in turn has reduced my jaw clenching. I am more aware of feeling stress and then dealing with it by taking a break. Even though I had a bit of a downer week, it was nothing compared to times past. I'm very happy to be on this relaxation journey.

Today I listened to both the long Yoga Nidra practice and the short Yoga Nidra practice on Robin Carnes's second Yoga Nidra album. I was in la-la land and came back quite refreshed.

40 Days of Relaxation - Day 34

Thursday, March 3, 2011 - Day 34

Today's relaxation was lead by Margaret Harstad who is a co-worker of mine over at Yoga North. Margaret also has her own business: Muggy Moose Massage. She does all kind of massage but specializes in Thai Yoga Bodywork. I believe she is the only one in Duluth who practices this style.

For her class, she combines restorative style poses with Thai Bodywork. Here's how it works: she limits her class to 12 people so there are enough props to go around. She sets up individual stations around the room. We pick out a spot and stay there. She instructs us on how to get into the pose then once we are settled she comes around and gives us all a bit of individual attention, using Thai massage techniques on different parts of our bodies.

Last night we got back rubs, assisted back bends, shoulder rubs, neck and head work, and assisted happy baby pose or all the way into plow depending on flexibility. It was super great! I was so relaxed by the end. Plus, to make things even better, my friend Emily was signed up too and she picked me up and brought me home. It was so nice to be on the receiving end of a nourishing class.

40 Days of Relaxation - Day 33

Wednesday, March 2, 2011 - Day 33
It was another hard day for me. It's that time of year where other places are warming up but Duluth is getting colder. Spring equinox is just around the corner but over night we had temps down to -10. Ugh!

I didn't have to teach today but Dave and I had our final Northeast Entrepreneur's Fund "Be Strategic, Grow Your Business" class tonight. We had walked to this class all winter but gave up on walking for our final class because it was so dang cold out (in March!).

I know I am much less bothered by weather and lack of sunlight than I used to be before I had yoga but I still get down when it's cold, dark and should be spring but it isn't. So again, I am grateful for this practice that is "forcing" me to relax and take time out for myself. I listened to Robin Carnes's 1st Yoga Nidra album, longer Yoga Nidra track. It was very soothing and a good mental pick-me-up.

For tonight's practice (Thursday) I am going to Margaret's "Thai Restoration" class: Thai Yoga bodywork combined with restorative postures. YUM!

40 Days of Relaxation - Day 32

Tuesday, March 1, 2011 - Day 32
Last night I took my Tang Soo Do brown belt test. Class went from 6:30 pm - til almost 9:00 pm (I passed). This morning I taught two classes in a row and then went to the acupuncturist.  Dave had lunch waiting for me when I got home from teaching and from being needled, but just the same, I'm exhausted.

I tried a new Yoga Nidra practice today. I downloaded Yoga Nidra ~ Blissful Relaxation for Mind and Body by Vicki Hansen and Dana Gifford on the recommendation of Karen (frequent commenter on this blog). I listened to both the short and long track. Short track first which was good since it took me at least half the practice to settle myself and my dog in. The speaker is either Kiwi or Aussie - Kiwi I think - and it was fun to listen to her accent. She has a very soothing style and says a number of "feel good" type of things which was kind of funny but kind of ok too. She had music in the back ground of both tracks. Sometimes I was a bit distracted by it (birds tweeting, new-agey sounding riffs, etc.) and other times it was nice.

I am pretty sure I missed a big chunk of instruction because I could hear myself breathing (ok, tiny snores) but I could hear her talking at the same time sooooo, I don't know - maybe I didn't miss anything. I'll have to listen again to find out.

Anyway, I am grateful to have this relaxation practice. After two days with lots of physical activity, I seriously needed to relax.

40 Days of Relaxation - Day 31

Monday, Feb 28, 2011 - Day 31
We walked the dog a good long way today over lunchtime so it was very easy to lay down and relax afterward. We probably walked about 3 miles which is standard fare in the summer but like I said before, winter walks tend to be short and hurried. I listened to James Jewell's longer Yoga Nidra practice again. I found myself thinking and planning for about the first 5-6 minutes so I started the track over to give myself more time to settle in.

Near to the end of the practice I heard my calm-room door open a bit but I didn't get up. Turns out Dave had looked in to see if I was done but since I was "asleep" he didn't want to bother me. I told him I wasn't asleep and that I heard him, but in truth, I may have been asleep. Or rather, in that place of in-between. That dreamy but aware state where your mind is free to wander but your Self doesn't follow it, where your whole body is relaxed and you might not even be aware that you have a body any more. It's like your body and mind are asleep but a deeper part of you is awake and aware and following along with the Yoga Nidra instruction.

I hope that this deep experience of relaxation that I just had can follow me into the rest of my day. I take my brown belt test tonight in Tang Soo Do. The more relaxed I can be, the easier it is to remember the language (Korean) and how to do the moves and forms.

40 Days of Relaxation - Day 30

Sunday, Feb 27, 2011 - Day 30
Hey, if I was doing a 30 day challenge I would be done today. But I'm not. So I have 10 days left to go.  No problem.Well, actually, I am doing a 30 day challenge through Yoga North: my Ayurveda class. I didn't realize I was doing two challenges at once. Huh. Well, I'm a pitta-vata. What can I say?

I had a very relaxing morning: chat with Dave over coffee, read the paper, eat breakfast, walk to the lake, come home and relax in my calm room. Nice! I listened to James Jewell's longer Yoga Nidra practice and I liked that one much better than the shorter version. In the short version I felt quite rushed but in the long version I felt like I had time to breath and settle in. Now I am off to the shower so I can be presentable for my final Ayurveda class.

40 Days of Relaxation - Day 29

Saturday, Feb 26, 2011 - Day 29

Yea the weekend again! This morning I co-taught the Yang-Yin 2-hour special at Yoga North. Kristin taught the 1st half (Vinyasa) and I taught the 2nd half (Yin). This was the second time we have offered this combo class and it definitely ran smoother. We had quite a few repeat students so that helped but also Kristin slowed down her class a bit to help the new-to-Vinyasa students and I planned a practice that did not involve too many props to help the new-to-Yin students. A benefit to each of us of having a smoother class is that we did not have to be assisting so much for the other teacher which meant that we each got to participate in most of each other's class. It was a fun morning.

After my fun morning I came back home, had a bite to eat and then Dave and I watched an episode of Big Love. Anybody watch that? It is soooo crazy. We are on to season 4 (via Netflix) and I think I am starting to have less tolerance for watching stressful shows. I mean why can't Bill just relax? Why does he always want more? Now he wants to be a politician but he is hiding that he is a polygamist. What the...?

Anyway, that left me feeling a bit grumpy (stressed maybe) and then we took the dog for a walk around the neighborhood. Well the sidewalks have become very icy again and the wind was biting. We only went a short way and by the time I got home I was definitely grumpy! My regular "I hate winter" theme song was running in my head. I just don't like feeling like that. Thankfully, I have my relaxation.

After we got home I practiced my relaxation. I listened to the longer Yoga Nidra practice on Robin Carnes's first Yoga Nidra CD (about 45 min) then followed it with another 30-45 minutes of restorative poses while listening to Steven Halpern's CD, In the OM Zone II. I felt so much better by the time I was done. I was warm, relaxed and my adrenalin was not racing like I think it had been after watching Big Love. Yes, I know it is just a TV show but watching people lie and leap from crisis to crisis is stressful. But now we are just a few episodes away from finishing the season so I think I'll just keep on. What a kook.

40 Days of Relaxation - Day 28

Friday, Feb 25, 2011 - Day 28

Deep Peace Wellness Studio

Tonight I teach Yin which I do find to be relaxing but which I cannot count as my relaxation since I will be teaching. So, today I treated myself and attended Jodi's noontime Relax and Renew class at Deep Peace Wellness Studio. The studio is in a lovely space in downtown Duluth. It has huge windows which let in plenty of sun and light. Very nice to come in to after the icy winds outside. She was playing Tibetan Bowl gonging music with running water sounds in the background. It was so soothing. It was like being in summer for a brief respite.

Jodi taught a lovely and restorative therapeutic spine class with multiple heart openers and spine releasing poses. We did a lot of work with the therapeutic spinal strip which I think was good for me because I am a bit sore after attending the Back Arch class at Yoga North last night. "Multiple" makes it sound like we were rushed but we weren't. We spent around 10 minutes per pose (I'm guessing) and really settled in.

This class was a little bit early for my relaxation since I am usually choosing to relax between 4-8 pm. I felt pretty alert and even kept my eyes open some of the time. I didn't feel distracted though. The ceiling had pretty beams which I enjoyed looking at. Of course, I didn't have my glasses on so pretty much everything is a blur. Very soothing - like a Monet painting.

40 Days of Relaxation - Day 27

Thursday, Feb 24, 2011 - Day 27
I took a break from my computer to relax and listen to Richard Miller's free on-line Yoga Nidra practice after reading Namaste from Duluth's blog post, Challenges and Being Present, about pinging around from one thing to another and back to the first again. This post talks about how fragmented we are: email, phone, blog post, work, school, hobbies. How many can you do at once?

Relaxation is about getting away from of all of that. Centering the mind, developing one-pointed focus, calming the thoughts and remembering to breathe. Even though I had some trouble with my practice yesterday I still feel like things are changing for me. My body is liking the idea and the actual feeling of laying down and taking a break. I think my mind likes it too, it just doesn't want to admit it. Maybe by the end of the 40 days my mind will have given in as well. It will start bossing me around, "Hey, get downstairs to your calm room and take a break already!" 

40 Days of Relaxation - Day 26

Wednesday, Feb 23, 2011 - Day 26
Just yesterday I was saying how much I was starting to like this practice of doing nothing. Well naturally that means that my Wednesday practice fell apart. I couldn't lay still, couldn't stop checking the time and the dog didn't want to lay by me so she sat by the door staring at me instead.

You know how you can tell when someone is looking at you? It's the eye vibe or something. Well, it's the same with a dog - maybe worse because they have no Miss Manners to teach then that it is not polite to stare. So in my fidgetyness I would glance up, see her staring, lay back down and then shortly later I was compelled to look again. And sure enough - she was still staring. She was like a staring statue: no blink, no movement. Arrrgh. To her credit there was no whining or scratching at the door either. It was really about me. I just couldn't settle.

40 Days of Relaxation - Day 25

Tuesday, Feb 22, 2011 - Day 25
For my practice I tried to do nothing again. I laid in my calm room and stared at the ceiling trying not to think or do anything. I am really starting to like this practice. Remember when you were a kid and you would do nothing? People (parents) would come by and say, "What are you doing?" and you would reply, "I dunno, nothing." Usually that "nothing" involved laying upside down, hanging from your bed or the couch, or maybe you were sitting in some small cozy space just hanging out. Why don't we do that as adults? I guess my calm room is my adult fort.

Yoga is a funny thing. We talk about cultivating the beginner's mind, remaining curious, and working towards "not doing." I'm starting to think that we all already know how to do this. Or rather, we knew how to do this when we were kids. Yoga seems like a process of remembering what we already knew, what already came naturally to us as children.

Go ahead, crawl into your cubby and do nothing.

Image from Banana Head Kids in Brisbane. 

40 Days of Relaxation - Day 24

Monday, Feb 21, 2011 - Day 24
Last night in my Ayurveda class one of my class mates said that her husband can sit and do nothing. Most of us in the class are more Pitta and Vata so we were all like, "What do you mean 'sit and do nothing'?" She said he can sit on the couch and look out the window, take long slow walks for no purpose, or just sit and do nothing. This was a bit unfathomable to me but then I remembered that in the summer I can do this too. I can sit and do nothing for hours if I am sitting in the sun. I love to sit in the sun and do nothing. Making up for cold Minnesota winters I guess.

So, for my practice today I sat and did nothing. Well actually I laid down and did nothing. I went to my calm room, laid on the floor and did not listen to any deep relaxation exercises, did not do any postures, and did not do any breath work. I just relaxed my body and let my mind follow it's own course - to a point. If I noticed that my mind was edging too much towards work or worry then I nudged myself back to doing and thinking nothing.

It was a little bit hard to stay awake though. I noticed that a couple of times I started having that feeling that you get just before you drop off to sleep. You know that feeling that you are existing in two worlds simultaneously? And you are about to fall out of wakefulness and into sleep? I caught myself a few times at that precipice. So I would open my eyes and stare at the ceiling and do nothing. I recommend trying it. It's interesting. It felt good to relax and do nothing.

I just read a quote recently (can't remember where or by who): Why are you doing something? Just sit there!

40 Days of Relaxation - Day 23

Sunday, Feb 20, 2011 - Day 23
Here's how my mind was working:

1st Mind, "I don't need to do relaxation today. I am already relaxed. Look, I am reading a novel and not doing any work. What's more relaxing than reading a book for fun?"

2nd Mind, "You know you have to do your relaxation exercise. You committed to 40 days. Besides, it's not just that you have to, you want to."

1st Mind, "Yes, yes, I know. But seriously, I am so relaxed right now. I'm not thinking about anything."

2nd Mind, "You know that zoning out with a good book is not the same as relaxation. Relaxation is about focus. Learning one-pointed concentration. Softening the jaw. Remember? I bet your jaw isn't soft while you're reading."

1st Mind, "OK, you're right. I'll do my relaxation. I'll just do it in a little while. I'll read just a bit longer."

2nd Mind, "Fine. I'll check back in."

OK - that all sounds a bit crazy but it was like that in my head all dang day. I think it's funny. When I am busy, I don't want to take time to relax even though I know I should, and when I am having a lazy and relaxing day, I don't think I need to take time to relax. What is up with this tricky mind?

I finally compromised between my two voices. I did a short relaxation after I came home from my Ayurveda class and before I picked up my book again. I listened to to Deborah Adele's CD, The Art of Relaxation, track number 3, Systematic Relaxation. It's a short track - just under 15 minutes. I do kind of feel like I cheated on my practice by relaxing such a short time. But on the other hand, isn't my 1st Mind right? Taking a day off to do not much of anything is relaxing.